My criteria when determining my top advent calendars of this year are:

1. It has to be FRENCH. Sorry Belgium, your chocolate is great, but I’m only looking for truly French products.
2. Quality of goodies. Each surprise behind the numbered doors needs to rise above an everyday treat.
3. Cuteness Factor. If I’m going to display this in my home for a month, I want it to be beautiful.

Introducing my top French advent calendars of the 2019 holidays.

Angelina

With such a beautiful design inside and out, Angelina’s 2019 advent calendar easily became my favorite choice. Angelina has been crafting chocolates in Paris since 1903. This calendar displays scenes outside Angelina’s tea room on Rue de Rivoli and will have you feeling like you’re spending Christmas in Paris no matter where you live. 29,95€

Available in store and online in November, available now on lagrandeepicerie.com.

Mazet Confiseur

Simple and sweet. I love this year’s Mazet Confiseur design by Marina Vandel, who started her career drawing animals for the Museum of Natural History in Paris. For 2019, the calendar is entirely filled with chocolate treats, nuts and nougat. 22,40€

Mariage Frères

This is the first advent calendar from well-loved French tea company Mariage Frères. The Noël Sublime calendar is also special because Mariage Frères does not sell mixed boxes of teas, so this is a great way to sample 25 different flavors from their collection. 39€

Not yet available at time of publishing, the release will be announced on the Mariage Frères Instagram account.

Diptyque Paris

This luxury beauty calendar is no doubt a splurge, but it is gorgeous one. The 2019 theme is a colorful take on lucky charms from around the world and includes mini candles, personal fragrances, body care products and one full-sized holiday candle. Available at the end of October. 350€

Pierre Hermé

My favorite macaron shop has created this chic take on a holiday wreath, pulling from forest inspiration for its fourth edition. Last year this advent calendar sold out very quickly, so if you love it, buy it ASAP! 62€

Maison Brémond 1830

This is the advent calendar for the chef in your life! Maison Brémond 1830 produces some of the best olive oils, spreads and sauces in France and this calendar ensures a December full of deliciousness. Stocked with mini versions of their oils, balsamics, tapenades, seasonings, candies and more. 40€

À la Mère de Famille

Founded in 1761, À la Mère de Famille is the oldest chocolatier in Paris and maintains a stellar reputation. This year, for the seventh edition of its advent calendar, the maison went for a little more modern design, tapping the artist Zeina Abirached. 39€

Oh My Cream!

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Oh My Cream! carries top products and is a favorite of Parisiennes in the know. The advent calendar contains 25 mini and full-sized of house products as well as brands such as Tata Harper and Ren Skincare. If last year is any indication, it will go fast, so buy now if you love it. 130€

Bonne Maman

Bring a little warmth to cold December mornings with this sweet advent calendar. Every French person knows Bonne Maman’s jams, marmalades, compotes, and cookies, and this box lets you try 24 different treats. 29,90€

Available on the Bonne Maman website and lagrandeepicerie.com.

What advent calendar are you buying for your home this year? Leave a comment and share your favorite with me!

Palace hotel rooms filled with flowers. Breakfast on a balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower. Vespa rides through cobblestone streets. An endless stream of Paris Fashion Week parties. Ahhh, isn’t life in Paris a fairy tale?
Sure, if you’re one of the 0.01% of residents who actually get to live this type of life.

On the surface, “Instagram Paris” is offering you visions of cafés and fashion and romance, but you’re really being sold the prospect of happiness. That well-worn concept that happiness is to live like the French — cultured, elegant and eating daily pain au chocolat that magically never reaches your thighs.

However, just as fairy tales tell an idealized story of love, the image of Paris pushed by brands and Instagrammers is a privileged, airbrushed version of French life. These selective, carefree portrayals are not what the vast majority of Parisians experience. Remember all those young women who moved to New York thinking their lives would be like “Sex and the City”? Well, moving to Paris also tends to be a mixed bag. Arriving blinded by glittering Eiffel Tower lights doesn’t do you any favors.

Think about it — if all it took to live a postcard life was to move to Paris, everyone and their mother would move here and stay forever.

It is absolutely true that since moving here I’ve had flashes of la belle vie — I’ve even posted many of them on Instagram! But my normal days also consist of the same elements they did back in the United States: spending a lot of time at the office, dealing with creeps on the metro, and wiping up last night’s baguette crumbs.

But no one moves to France for the fantasy of cleaning up baguette crumbs. That doesn’t sell purses, perfume and Eiffel Tower prints. And it makes sense for brands and Instagrammers to sell you a privileged French life — that’s the story people want to see. The problem occurs when expectations of Paris don’t come with a reality check.

The idea that moving to Paris will give you a perfect life can be harmful. In a message exchange I had with a fellow expat reader, she compared the cliché image of Paris to an advertisement in a glossy magazine. You see this beautiful photo of a perfect woman and her perfect life evidently provided by whatever product she is holding. What you don’t see is the team of stylists, makeup artists, photographers, lighting experts, airbrushers, and more that went into creating that one image.

Selling the beautiful French life (or the beautiful French expat life) on Instagram also includes a lot of brands and money and people behind the scenes making it look real. And they do a good job of it! The “I moved to Paris and now I live in a dream of pretty dresses, wine and parties” accounts tap into the desire all of us have to escape, to be mysterious and adventurous, to have romance. The reader said she wished she understood this better before moving to Paris — it would have saved her some disappointment. (The extreme version of this is the Paris Syndrome, in which the reality of Paris is such a break from someone’s expectations that they have a mental crisis.)

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with these fairy tale Instagram accounts or the similar media portrayals — people want an escape, people want to dream, we all love pretty things! I followed many of these accounts before I moved to Paris and I still do. But these (mostly) women are telling a story just like a movie, often with money and manpower behind the scenes making it happen. For almost all of us who move here, that life is untouchable.

Your real life in Paris may also be full of beauty and delicious food and vespa rides, but there won’t be a team of marketers behind you. You’ll be navigating the immigration process on your own, riding the bus with us regular folks, and will have to find your own magic in this beautiful city. Better to know before your pieds are standing on French soil that the Parisian life you’re sold on Instagram is a in fact beautiful product — Paris.

How did your expectations of moving to Paris line up with the reality? Leave a comment and share your experience!

*2019 Diptyque Carousel Information*

The carrousel should be available online and in shops at the very end of October or beginning of November. The 2017 release date was November 2nd; in 2018 it was October 31st. I’ll be stalking the stores just like every other year, so see you at Diptyque!

Original post below.  

Since 2016, the chic Parisian candle and fragrance brand Diptyque has released a unique holiday candle carrousel each year — and I am lucky to have all three. Rarely has a decorative item made me so happy.

I don’t normally write about products or shopping, but I had to share this because it is one my favorite French items. The gold carousels fit atop the small (and in 2018 also the medium-sized) Diptyque candles and when the candle is lit, the carousel rotates and reflects light (video here). The first year Diptyque produced this candle carousel, it was a whimsical duck theme. I saw it in a magazine and fell in love, but sadly after calling multiple New York locations I was told it sold out worldwide within days of being released. Still my husband knew it was my dream Christmas gift.

In a holiday miracle, my husband went to the Nolita store in NYC and was able to procure the floor model carousel from a dream-fulfilling employee, who gave it to my husband for free (they aren’t allowed to sell floor models). My husband has a French charm that translates well in English apparently. I couldn’t believe my eyes when the duck carrousel was under the Christmas tree for me, and have been obsessed with it since.

In the years since, I have planned ahead. Now that we live in Paris, each October I’ve gone to speak to employees at the flagship shop to get the release date information. And in 2017 and 2018 I was the very first person to purchase the carrousel at the Marais Diptyque store. (FYI: The 2017 release date was November 2nd; in 2018 it was October 31st.) The price is for the medium was 50€ last year, and for the small you had to buy a set with two candles totaling around 110€. I bought the medium to have something new. Astrology-themed, the 2017 carrousel was a collaboration with artist Philippe Baudelocque and feels more Christmasy to me than the premier edition. I will always have a soft spot for my original duck carrousel, but I use this one more for the holidays. The 2018 design was “Légende du Nord” and the work of illustrator Pierre Marie. The carrousel features three spirit characters that have been invented by Diptyque, as well as two compass medallions. The Diptyque carrousel is a limited edition item and always sells out quickly. There are usually a few available on ebay, but expect a hefty markup. I plan on making this a new Christmas tradition and can’t wait until my apartment has a carousel for every room. Hopefully my husband isn’t already regretting that he started this addiction!

In our modern times, picnicking is a cherished summer activity in Paris. Remember, it is grey and drizzly much of the year, so when summer rolls around Parisians want to be outdoors. To really feel like a local in Paris, enjoy an hours-long picnic en plein air complete with rosé.

In the spirit of embracing my adopted home, and in a tribute to the French for their glorious contribution to the world, I threw a summer pique-nique party for 12 of my friends. I wanted this soirée to feel elevated, so I added some special touches, but a proper Paris picnic can be as simple as some boulangerie sandwiches or as elaborate as you like.

WHERE TO PICNIC

Hands down my favorite place to picnic like a local is Place des Vosges in the 4th arrondissement. Yes, it is a popular tourist destination, but few tourists actually stay and hang out. They walk through, get their pictures and move on. By doing so they are missing out on the greatest pleasure of this immaculately-manicured square! No matter where you sit, you have beautiful view (and background for photos), the sound of the fountains and an authentic Parisian atmosphere. There are also tons of great food options right around Place des Vosges, which makes putting your picnic together simple.

If for any reason you want a different local-centric picnic location, I can also recommend Parc Monceau in the 8th arrondissement, Parc des Buttes-Chaumont in the 19th or the Voie Georges Pompidou along the Seine in the 1st and 4th (called Les Quais by the locals). Les Quais doesn’t have nearly the same grass space as the others, so I recommend that location more for a smaller gathering or a casual one.

Food and drink

Depending on how much time and money you have to spend on preparing your picnic, I propose three different options near Place des Vosges for putting your basket together. Also, when hosting a larger group ask people to bring wine or something small to share with the group. That helps with your costs, but also keeps fresh treats coming as new guests arrive.

The Fancy Picnic: Specialty Catering

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I really dislike cooking, and I’m not the best at it either. So to make my picnic special, I went to the professionals. Café Méricourt, a favorite local restaurant, has started a specialty picnic catering arm called Cuisine Méricourt. For me, they created a beautiful planche of cheese, meats, spreads, dried fruit and more, supplemented by a tabouli salad, labne and beets salad, juices, and mixed fruits and cookies for dessert. Priced between 10-15€ a head, they can work with you to create your dream picnic spread, including many vegetarian options. The food was a hit and saved me the time and effort of putting it all together myself.

Create-Your-Own French Planche

If you’d rather go the do-it-yourself route, there are excellent specialty stores within minutes of Place des Vosges. Grab a shopping bag and make your own mix at these locations along Rue Saint Antoine:

• Cheese: Fromagerie Laurent Dubois Bastille. One of the best fromagerie in Paris, I love the fresh goat cheese with yuzu or cherries. | 97-99 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004
• Baguette: Tradition from Miss Manon | 87 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004 or the delicious baguette craquant (extra crispy on the outside) from Boulangerie St. Antoine. | 29 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004
• Meat and sides: Au Sanglier sells charcuterie, pâté, quiche, as well as sides and chips. I recommend the jambon de Paris. | 49 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004
• Fruit and veggies: Primeur du Marais | 61 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004 or Vergers Saint Paul | 97 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004
• Wine: Julien de Savignac. Be sure to ask which wines they have cold (frais) and if you don’t have a bottle opener they can open it for you in advance. | 73 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004

Grab and Go

If you’re pressed for time, or perhaps your picnic is just a handful of people, go for an easy picnic option and pop into Maison Plisson. This lovely high-end grocer stocks pre-made salads, pastas and dips, as well as baguettes, meats and produce. An eight minute walk from Place des Vosges. | 93 Boulevard Beaumarchais, 75003.

And for a dessert that always pleases, Popolini‘s choux à la crème (cream puffs) are as mignon as they are tasty. | 35 Rue de Turenne, 75003

As far as wine goes, rosé is the classic French pique-nique choice, but there is no hard and fast rule. Go with what you and your guests like best. I can confirm that champagne, especially during dessert, definitely spells festive.

Decor + French Touches

A blanket is the bare minimum, but there are some simple and cheap ways to make your Paris picnic pop.

One problem I always find at picnics is that when everything has to be put on the ground, it starts to get messy fast. An easy and free fix for this: fruit palettes! In Paris, the fruit and vegetables sold at the markets get delivered in these light, wooden crates and many shops get hundreds delivered each week. I asked my neighborhood shop for a few, used them to transport my supplies to the park, and then turned them into display boxes or flipped them upside down to use as tables. I put kitchen towels (torchons) on top of some of them to protect against splinters.

My picnic begin in the early evening, and I wanted a nice lighting option for once the sun set. I initially thought candles, but open flame plus blankets sounded like a dangerous combination. So I dug out my battery-powered Christmas lights from the holiday decorations and brought them along to unspool as the sunlight dimmed.

Tying off a big balloon is a picnic trick I picked up in New York, where it can be hard to find your party in the big open spaces of Central Park. But when a giant toucan is floating above you, friends have no problem spotting the party. I picked mine up at Vivafiesta, a party store just two minutes from Place des Vosges. | 38 Boulevard Beaumarchais, 75011

Finally, a couple nearby places to pick up picnic supplies: Monoprix, the “French Target” where I bought my blankets, plates, cutlery and more. They are all over the city, but the closest to Place des Vosges is at 71 Rue Saint-Antoine, 75004.

HEMA is a sort of home goods store, but also carries lots of party supplies. | 1 Rue de Rivoli, 75004

What are your picnic in Paris tips? Leave a comment and share!

Château de Courcelles

I’d had my eye on Château de Courcelles for about a year. My husband brought it to my attention last summer, and I’d been plotting how to get there ever since. Tip: Château de Courcelles is part of the Relais & Châteaux network, which sells coffrets cadeaux (gift packages). Many big French companies offer discounts on these boxes for their employees through their CE, and we were able to get one this way.

At less than two hours driving from Paris, on the road to Reims in the Champagne region, transportation wasn’t tough to figure out — but I became obsessed with having perfect weather to take advantage of the pool, tennis and trails. After cancelling a reservation last year due to poor weather, I was counting on June to be kinder.

Courcelles has a storied history. Built around the same time as the Palace of Versailles, the château boasts similar design and decor features. And many famous guests have roamed the grounds — Voltaire, Jean Cocteau, Christian Dior, even Napoleon, who met his second wife Marie-Louise here. It was occupied by the Germans during both World Wars and was later owned by an American winemaking family from Napa Valley, but eventually, in 1989, was reborn as a four-star hotel.

I had whipped myself into a château frenzy by the time we arrived, so admittedly my expectations were high. But every aspect — from the room, to the service to the meals — surpassed them. From our room on the top floor we had a sprawling view of the property on two sides, and we filled our two days with swims, tennis, hikes and plenty of champagne.

The little things made the experience extra special — the private seating nooks scattered about the property, the thoughtful lighting, the ironed table clothes, or my favorite: a charming breakfast carousel for presenting pastries. And I always appreciate a noon checkout that allows for a leisurely breakfast and pool time in the morning.

Sadly, I couldn’t move in, and we eventually had to bid Château de Courcelles adieu. There was a Part II of our adventure and it involved even more champagne.

Visiting the Champagne Region by car

I had been to the Champagne region with my sister last summer, but without a car, so we had to limit our adventure to where the train could take us. This time, I wanted to explore smaller villages that were inaccessible during that journey.

This is how we ended up in one of the most charming French villages I ever did see — Hautvillers. Snuggled between Reims and Epernay, Hautvillers is up on a hill as its name implies (high village), and looks straight out of a movie. Look for the intricate iron signs outside buildings that signal the profession, nationality or passion of the resident. This village is a must visit, and I wish we could have spent a night there as well.

To further our Champagne education, we stopped at the grande marque Taittinger in Reims in order to see the historic caves. But I was more looking forward to our second Champagne producer visit, Cité du Champagne in the village of Aÿ, which is a cooperative winery that provides the grapes for Champagne Collet.

I used Rue des Vignerons to book the visit, which is a bit like Tripadvisor for wineries. It lets you see reviews, search by location and language, and book your visit (you pay at the winery, not on the website). If you don’t know where to start with finding producers to visit, Rue des Vignerons is a great reference for wineries across France.

My husband was already a fan of Champagne Collet (especially the blanc de blanc) but the brand was new to me. Before our tour, I also never knew there was a Champagne revolt in 1911 in which winemakers and workers protested in the streets to demand better protections. Out of this the first winegrowers’ cooperative was born, called COGEVI, which allowed members to work together to produce wine and share resources and facilities. Think of it as a sort of union for winegrowers that gave them collective bargaining power. This group sparked the creation of Champagne Collet. Cité du Champagne is their compound, surrounded by vines, and houses the cooperative’s cellars and machinery and the tasting room of Champagne Collet. There is also a really fun museum of tools and equipment used to farm and collect champagne grapes through the decades.

In addition to the history and champagne making process, the tour also includes a lot of information on wine production in France, putting the country’s industry in a global perspective. It’s especially nice to be able to see the actual vines that are used in the process — something you don’t get to experience at the big brands.

Finally, our guide led the tasting and told us more about the entire collection of Collet champagnes. We left with a bottle of brut and a blanc de blanc, which we will keep in our own personal cave (aka under the bed) until the day when we want to be transported back to our charming champagne weekend.

For more on the Champagne region, check out my post on my first trip with my sister:
Your Perfect Champagne Region Itinerary — Two Days of Bubbly without a Car

Rosie McCarthy of “Not Even French“ — New Zealander, moved to Paris in 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Rosie ? Not Even French (@_notevenfrench) on Feb 27, 2019 at 12:00am PST

“A big lesson learned for me coming to Paris is that I should have taken the time to learn the oh-so-common mistakes that one can make in French and can be extremely embarrassing in the wrong context! I have mistakenly told people several times how horny I was feeling (je suis chaude instead of j’ai chaud). When trying to tell a colleague that she was great at something, I accidentally told her that she was good in bed (wow tu es bonne! instead of tu es forte/douée) and, whilst crunching away on an apple, I have even asked my Frenchie if he wanted a penis (tu veux une bite?) in front of a group of friends I was meeting for the first time!

Another huge lesson is that “non” does not always mean “non” and sometimes you need to fight for what you want. When I first arrived, I would begrudgingly accept that the postal workers at La Poste couldn’t possibly find my birthday package that my Mum sent over (even though the tracking number said it was there). Now, I will happily show up as assertively as possible and keep pushing until I hear the “ce n’est pas possible” turn to “ce n’est pas moi qui decide” and then the winning “je vais voir ce qu’on peut faire.” Resilience is everything here!”

Lindsey Tramuta of “Lost in Cheeseland” and author of “The New Paris” — American, moved to Paris in 2006

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“I think the most important lesson I learned, and quite quickly, was that it wasn’t up to Parisians to adapt to me but for me to adapt to them and the nuances of living in Paris. I was very young and naive like many Americans who travel abroad and become convinced that a lack of convenience in daily life  — short shop hours, unavailability of some products, busy supermarkets with one cashier working, delivery services— was a symbol of an inefficient and laggard culture. Now it’s clear that America prides gratuitous convenience above all else (late capitalism! Make money whenever and however you can!) and the few lingering inefficiencies in Paris exemplify its humanity. Betterment comes in different forms and it isn’t from having stores open 24 hours a day.”

Erin Ogunkeye, American, lived in Paris during college and moved permanently in 2013

“I gradually learned about the relative inflexibility of the job market here compared to the United States. Back home, I think people are less limited by their studies than they are here in France. In France, if you study journalism, it’s to work as a journalist. If you study law, it’s to be a jurist or a lawyer…and so on and so forth. In the US, I’d always been told to choose my major based on my interest and passions, and that job opportunities would work themselves out naturally. Here, that’s not really the case. It’s relatively difficult to find a career outside of the subjects you studied in school.

Another major misconception I had relates specifically to being an African-American expat. I moved here with the assumption – perhaps the myth – that France was much more advanced in terms of race relations and openness to discussing them than the US. The reality of course is much more nuanced. And for people for whom this is important, it’s difficult to find black doctors, dermatologists, hair dressers, or other professionals of color.”

Sara Lieberman — American writer, moved to Paris in 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“As a single women, who upon visiting Paris as a tourist had lots of luck-in-lust, I was surprised to find how difficult it’d be to actually date for real here. Forget the language barrier and generational/societal change in dating tactics (Tinder/Happn/Bumble, etc.)—the real challenge came from trying to decode the French Man’s Intentions. For starters—and this is something I mentioned in an article I wrote for The Cut—they will sooner suggest you meet at the metro than a specific bar. And then, on the complete opposite end, they might suggest you go to their house for dinner or a drink. The former isn’t considered lazy and the latter isn’t considered aggressive. It just is.

You know what else is “normal”? Becoming an item as soon as they kiss you, which can happen without any warning signs or feelings after only one or two dates (metro meet-up, bar rendez-vous, home-cooked meal—whatever!). Unfortunately, I haven’t dated a French man long enough (yet) to go much deeper—and the jury’s still out on if I ever will!—but I definitely realized dating is just as hard wherever in the world you are and learning to accept the “why” is all part of the charm.”

Fraser Jackson — British, moved to Paris in 2013

“Moving to Paris, especially as a single person who doesn’t know anyone already, can be a very stressful situation. Trying to meet new people can be tough, especially if you don’t really speak the language. It’s therefore very easy to fall into the typical ‘expat’ trap of panicking and becoming an English tutor or working in bar. If this happens and it isn’t what you want to do, go with it. Build yourself a network of friends and then focus on getting that dream job.

But the biggest thing I learned in Paris? Always value the luxury that is a private bathroom INSIDE your apartment.”

Lamis — International Affairs Consultant, moved to Paris in 2013

“I remember having this idea that Paris would be an easy place to make friends and to have a big social life where you have a group of friends to enjoy Parisian cafes with. But I ended up having so many expat friends, and after six years I have only two French friends I met in Paris and they are very international since they both lived abroad.

One last thing I wish I knew before moving here is that not all baguettes are equal — what you are looking for is a baguette tradition!”

Rachel — American, moved to Paris in 2004

“What was really hard for me in my first few years here was making friendships with French women. Forming these relationships is very different than with American women, who are more open. French women can come off as cold sometimes, but they are just more reserved and don’t let their guards down easily.

One of my best friends now found me too American when she first met me, and it took a long time of slowly developing our friendship to get to the point where we are now. Don’t be too enthusiastic at first and expect friendships to click and become super close super fast the way they can with Americans where you are sharing and confiding quickly. I would say it takes five years for someone to consider you a close, intimate friend here. I still operate differently in my friendships with French girlfriends than I do with my American friends.”

Frank Adrian Barron aka “Cake Boy Paris” — American, moved to Paris in 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“I’d say my personal biggest misconception about moving to Paris was that it would merely be a short-term experience! We have just celebrated our 8 year “Paris-versary” and that’s because Paris spoils its inhabitants with beauty and lots of butter!”

Alison Sargent — American, moved to Paris in 2013

“Don’t take it personally if people speak to you in English. I used to be really sensitive about people switching into English the moment they sensed my accent or learned I was American. It felt like both an insult to my French and a reminder that I was an outsider. But once I’d lived in Paris for several years and it STILL happened from time to time, I came to realize that when people speak English to foreigners who speak French it almost always has more to do with them. Sometimes they want to show off, sometimes it’s a power play, and sometimes they’re just genuinely trying to connect. (And sometimes they themselves come from countries like Afghanistan or Sri Lanka where they speak more English than French!) It can still feel agitating, but know that it happens to all of us and it’s not necessarily a commentary on your French or your right to call Paris home. 

And on a practical note, never use the numbers for locksmiths or plumbers listed on the fliers that will get put in your mailbox! Scam home repair services are a big problem.”

Now that you’ve heard from my friends, I’ll share my own advice!

Charli James of “Am I French Yet?” — American, moved to Paris in 2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Charli James (@charliannejames) on Jun 6, 2019 at 4:55am PDT

I always tell people that it is so important to manage expectations when moving to Paris — for how quick your adjustment and language process will be, and for what life in Paris will really be like. If you go in thinking it will all be baguettes and wine on the terrace, and you’ll speak French fluently in three months, you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. But if you start with the understanding that there will be really difficult days in addition to the wonderful ones, you will be more emotionally prepared and the tough moments won’t sting as much.

I thought I had prepared myself enough, and that living in NYC had made me resilient to pretty much anything Paris could throw at me. But I still have days I cry because I couldn’t properly express myself in French, or I miss my friends back in the States. It gets easier after the first year and I’ve learned to not take the mistakes so much to heart. It is true that Paris is worth it and I wouldn’t change my decision to move here, but the city doesn’t always make the process easy on you.

If you’re looking for more advice on adjusting to life in France, I have many more tips here: Expat Spouse Integration: Successfully adjust abroad with your partner

Share your biggest Paris lesson learned in the comments below!

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Rosie from Not Even French and I put our heads together to come up with a list of the biggest faux pas, clichés and cultural misunderstandings we anglophones make with French people.

We’ve both put our pieds in our mouths at a few dinner parties, so take it from us and avoid these topics:

“You’re French? I love Paris!”

Only two million of France’s 67 million residents live in Paris, and many from outside the city don’t have a great opinion of Parisians. So while you may love Paris, French people don’t appreciate all being lumped together, or the assumption they all live in the capital city. Regional pride is huge in France. Each département has its own cuisine, culture and history and to immediately ask about Paris can feel like you are ignoring their heritage. Better to ask, “what region of France are you from?” first.

“Your accent is sooooo cute!”

Some French people are sensitive about their English skills, and pointing out their accent can feel like a dig, even if your comment is well intentioned. French education focuses a lot on reading and writing — so for example, while my husband studied English for nearly a decade in school, he hardly spoke it until he did an exchange program in Canada. And often their English teachers in French public schools aren’t native speakers, so they are learning from someone with a French accent.

“Ew, you eat that?”

Snails, glands, organs — French people enjoy foods you may find different from your cuisine back home. But calling it gross just makes you look uncultured and rude. I once accidentally ate veal kidneys at my work cafeteria, and when I made a comment about how weird it tasted to my coworkers, they told me even kids eat rognons de veau at school. It made me look childish!

“So, what do you do for a living?”

Talking about money is a huge faux pas in French culture. And by asking about someone’s job, it can be taken as being nosy about how much money they make. There is a strong Catholic influence on the country’s overall attitude toward wealth, and flashiness or obvious displays of money aren’t appreciated. French people also rarely consider work the most interesting thing about them, and it’s not uncommon to spend a whole evening with someone and not discuss their job.

“I love your home/car/bag, it’s so nice. How much did you pay for it?”

This goes in the same bucket of money sensitivity. Asking how much something cost can be seen as gauche or trying to figure out if someone is wealthy. And being overly complimentary is something French people make fun of Americans for (a French person impersonating an American will say: “That’s so amaaaaazing!”). The exception to the rule of money talk? Taxes. Complaining about taxes is a national sport.

“Everyone knows French people don’t like to work.”

French people hate the cliché that they are lazy and always on strike. Yes, they enjoy more protections for workers and vacation time than in many other countries, but France has the 6th largest economy in the world, so they must be doing something right. Protests and strikes are a part of the culture (and they are very good at it), but in fact Canadians go on strike more. Plenty of French people work overtime and are ambitious, and even joking that they are lazy can upset people.

“You know you’d be speaking German if it wasn’t for us Americans.”

Not only is this historically iffy — it’s très rude. Ditto with the “French love to surrender” and wave the white flag references. In general, jokes about the World Wars are better left alone, as Europeans are still sensitive about this period of their history. Best to be respectful.

“Are you religious?”

Faith and prayer are very private here. France is a majority Catholic country, but there is a peculiar dichotomy between religious beliefs and society. The public sphere and religion are supposed to be entirely separate, a concept called laïcité (or secularism). Because Catholic holidays and traditions are so wrapped up in French culture the reality is less so, but religion in general is not a topic to bring up with people you don’t know well. There is no prayer in school, or public worship the way you see in America, though it seems every street, town and dessert in France is named after a saint.

“Who did you vote for?”

The French love to discuss politics and policy, but the specific candidate someone votes for is held close to the vest. It isn’t uncommon for even family members not to know. Because there are more political parties than in the U.S. it isn’t always easy to tell who someone supports, and there isn’t a culture of displaying your political preferences with t-shirts or bumper stickers.

“Hello!” without even trying “Bonjour!”

Walking up to a French person and starting with English is a sure-fire way to piss off or confuse them. Even if you switch to English after, a “bonjour” when you enter a shop or approach someone is considered the most basic of courtesies in France.

“You know those French men, they all cheat.”

In reality, French men don’t cheat any more than in other countries, though French culture is a bit less puritanical about sex in general. When I first moved to Paris, I showed some of my husband’s friends a video of Pepé Le Pew, the cliché Frenchman in a cartoon form. Unsurprisingly, none of them found the portrayal as a smelly, groping skunk funny.

“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”

Just don’t. You aren’t the first (or millionth) person to make this joke and they don’t think it’s funny.

Have something you’d add to this list? A story about a faux pas you made? Leave a comment and share!

And if you want to learn more on the truth about French clichés, check out this popular post: Do French People Really Wear Berets? French Clichés Investigated

2. For the decoration lover: Le Bon Marché Christmas Ornament Salon

3. For your Paris-obsessed niece: In Paris / à Paris

9. For the college student: The quintessential striped shirt from Saint James

It may be a cliche, but French people of all ages really do wear striped shirts all the time. And the most authentic comes from Saint James, an iconic brand originating in the Normandy region that created the striped French Navy uniform. Go for a classic Breton Marinière in cotton jersey for men or women.

Where to buy: Saint James stores around Paris (and across the world) or www.saint-james.com.

10. For the wife or girlfriend: French lingerie from Ysé

This affordable, yet elegant lingerie brand is still under the radar outside Paris, so she’ll be sure to be surprised (and impressed) by your choice. Specializes in styles for smaller cup sizes, and also makes cute swimsuits. You can get a chic bra and panty set for under 100€.

Where to buy: Two shops in Paris, 117 Rue Vieille du Temple, 75003 + 2 Rue Guichard, 75016 Paris, as well as at the department stores Galeries Lafayette + Printemps. Or online at yse-paris.com.

11. For your mom: Real Savon de Marseille

A beautiful and inexpensive gift, Savon de Marseille is a traditional hard French soap originating around the city of Marseille and made from vegetable oils. Some brands use animal additives, so it is important to buy from good shops to make sure you’re getting the real deal. My favorite: Savonnerie Marius Fabre which has been making this soap in caldrons for four generations.

Where to buy: Savonnerie Marius Fabre, 26 Rue de Turenne 75003 Paris or online at www.marius-fabre.com.

12. For your brother: French knifes

Pick up a pocket or chef’s knife from a great French brand such as Forge de Laguiole, Opinel or Laguiole Fontenille Pataud. Paris has some excellent small knife shops that make the experience special as well. I recommend Cutlery Marais on Place Des Vosges or Laguiole Cutlery and Coutelleries dans l’Ile on Ile Saint Louis.

Where to buy: Cutlery Marais, 6 Rue du Pas de la Mule, 75003 Paris. Laguiole Cutlery, 35 Rue des Deux Ponts, 75004 Paris. Coutellerie dans l’Ile, 1 Rue des Deux Ponts, 75004 Paris.

13. For the cook: Fond Brun de Veau

Fond Brun de Veau is French condensed veal stock. It may sound like a strange gift, but this stock is the secret used by professionals and home cooks alike in France for creating delectable savory sauces and gravy. It is harder and more expensive to find outside of France.

Where to buy: G. Detou, 58 Rue Tiquetonne, 75001 Paris.
Note: The Les Halles neighborhood this shop is in also has many fine restaurant supply shops where you can pick up cookware at great prices.

14. For the little ones: French chocolate advent calendar

I say this is for children, but I always buy one for adult family members and my home as well. Many nice chocolate shops in Paris produce advent calendars. The ones from Maison de la Prasline Mazet in le Marais contain a variety of sweet treats inside the doors. I’ve also seen versions with beauty items, tea and other products instead of chocolate around town. Here are my favorite of 2018.

Where to buy: Maison de la Prasline Mazet 37 Rue des Archives, 75004 Paris or www.mazetconfiseur.com.

15. For the fashion hound: Maison Kitsuné tricolor fox patch tee

This Maison Kitsuné tee may be a splurge, but think of it as the cooler, French cousin to the Ralph Lauren pony. The French music label and fashion house also has a lovely cafe at the Palais Royal.

Where to buy: Multiple locations in Paris, across Asia and in NYC. Or online at maisonkitsune.com

Do you have a favorite French gift to give or receive? Leave a comment and share!

 The Cafés and Restaurants

I love how cafés don’t rush you out in Paris the way you often are in America. You can order a coffee and read until your little heart is content.

The Libraries and Bookshops

• The American Library of Paris: This non-profit cultural association is the largest English-language lending library on the European mainland. Gertude Stein and Ernest Hemingway wrote for its literary journal, and Henry Miller, Anaïs Nin and James Baldwin worked from there. Best for residents or students who want access to a large number of books in English, the events and the community because day and week passes do not include borrowing privileges. | 10 Rue du Général Camou, 75007 Paris
• Shakespeare and Company: No book lover’s trip to Paris is complete without a stop at this famed English bookshop. The shop itself is too cramped to accommodate readers, but the bookstore café next door has tables inside and out where you can read with a view of Notre Dame cathedral. The shop also hosts author events with writers across genres and nationalities. | 37 Rue de la Bûcherie, 75005 Paris
• La Mouette Rieuse: Book and giftshop with an upstairs cafe/reading area and large glass wall that overlooks a garden. | 17bis Rue Pavée, 75004 Paris
• If you live in Paris, there are some beautiful French public libraries that require you to get a card. A beautiful and quiet one that I adore: The Hotel de Ville library.

The Summer Spot

• Paris Plage: In July and August you can watch the world float by along the Seine in a beach lounger. Paris Plage is a summer hangout set up for Parisians who can’t escape to the beach. Lending libraries are also set up along the way so sunbathers can escape with their minds too.

Other book-themed places of note

• Hotel Le Pavillon des Lettres: A hotel celebrating French and international literature. The rooms are themed around specific writers, from Zola to Rousseau to Woolf, with their writings displayed on the walls and books on the shelves. Most interestingly, guests can fill out a questionnaire on their literary tastes and a book concierge will deliver a hand-picked novel to your room in the evening. | 12 Rue des Saussaies, 75008 Paris
• The Bouquinistes of Paris: Along the banks of the Seine, these riverside book stalls carry mostly used and rare gems. They run from the Quai de la Tournelle to Quai Voltaire.

Where is your favorite place to read or pick up books in Paris? Leave a comment to share it with me!

I write mainly about the immigration process for American spouses of French citizens — but eligibility for securité sociale health benefits no longer relies on being married to a French person (this status used to be called “Ayant Droit“).

Starting January 1, 2016 France put in place a universal system of healthcare called Protection Universelle Maladie (or PUMA) for anyone who works or lives in France. Now everyone who is here for three months or longer and has a proper visa can get a carte Vitale. So I requested my securité sociale benefits as a resident and not as my French husband’s wife. Here’s how I did it.

BEFORE WE START

A few helpful things to know before beginning this process:

• Sécurité Sociale is the French healthcare system and your numero de sécurité sociale is your ID number only for the healthcare system. (Not to be confused with how your American social security number is used.) You’ll use this at the doctor’s office, dentist, when buying glasses and for other health-related expenses.
• Carte Vitale is a physical card with a chip in it that you use to pay and identify yourself for healthcare. It has your photo on it as well.
• This whole process is in French, so if your language skills aren’t good, you’ll likely need someone to help you — either your partner, a good friend or someone you hire.
• Ameli.fr is the website portal for the French health insurance program.
• CPAM stands for Caisse Primaire d’Assurances Maladie, and is the local department level of the national health insurance adminstration.
• Unless you are already working in France, you’ll need to live here for three months to establish residency before you apply.
• You need a French bank account in your name. It is possible to get a sécurité sociale number without one, but you can’t get paid back without one so there’s no point.
• If you have a job, your company HR department can also likely help you with this process.

THE APPLICATION FORM

First step is to fill out the health benefits application form – formulaires 736 Demande d’ouverture des droits à l’assurance maladie.

Let’s go over each section.

• The second point asks for your sécurité sociale number, if you have one. You obviously don’t since you’re reading this article, so leave it blank. This form is used for everyone applying for PUMA including people who may already have a number but are changing their status.
• The third point asks if you have a numero d’allocataire, which is another ID number used for social welfare benefits. You probably don’t have this — just leave it blank.

SECTION B: Your employment status
If you have a job, check the first box and put your title and type of contract. If not, check “sans activité” and move on.

SECTION C: Swearing you filled out your own form
Date and sign (as long as it’s actually you of course). Don’t forget order for dates is DD/MM/YYYY here in Europe.

***TIP: If you don’t have a printer, you can go to a CPAM information point (borne multiservices) and print there.

SUPPORTING DOCUMENTS

You need to send a number of documents along with the application form. You can find all the details in French on the second page of the application form, but here it is in plain English:

• A copy of your passport
• A copy of your visa long séjour valant comme titre de séjour (VLS-TS) — or titre de séjour or carte de séjour or carte de résident depending on what status you have.
• Birth certificate with apostille. The added apostille means it is certified or authenticated, and this was an extra I had to ask for specifically when I ordered my birth certificate. We did not get the birth certificate translated, we sent it in English. I’ve read that sometimes they ask for a translation later, but they didn’t for me. I also believe they sent it back to us after.
• If you have a job, you need to send a copy of your employment contract or last payslip.
• Proof you have lived in France more than three months. This could be a copy of your lease, or three successive energy, phone, internet or water bills in your name, or an attestation d’hébergement from your spouse (or whoever owns the home you live in) saying you live with them. I used the attestation since I didn’t have a job at the time and none of the bills were in my name. If you go that route, also send in a lease or three successive bills in your spouse’s name, as well as a copy of their ID to be safe.
• Your relevé d’identité bancaire (RIB) so you can get reimbursed. This is your French banking account routing information and should include the IBAN number.

***TIP: If you have questions, contact your LOCAL caisse (department office) that handles where you live (mine is Caisse d’assurance maladie de Paris). If you call the global number it charges you by the minute. There is an international number also if you aren’t in France.

WHERE TO SEND IT

You have to mail all of these documents in, it is not possible to do it via email. It is also possible to apply in person at your local CPAM office.

If you go the mail route, you must send everything to your LOCAL CPAM office. Click here and then put your zip code into the pop up to find yours.

If you live in Paris, this is the address: Assurance Maladie de Paris, 75948 PARIS CEDEX 19

Did this guide help you?

TIMING

You can expect to receive a temporary number first and relatively quickly — mine came in three weeks. You can use this immediately to get reimbursements, but you will have pay in advance and do everything manually on paper (using une feuille de soins). You can not set up a personal Ameli account with this number.

2-6 months after applying you can expect to receive your permanent number. I got mine about 3.5 months later. Now you can open an Ameli account and request your physical carte Vitale.

NOTE: I have heard that you will get a number quicker if you have a job because your employer sends a letter to the caisse saying you work for them and requesting the number. This could be an expat legend, but I got my permanent number just a few weeks after starting a job, so I’m inclined to believe it.

GETTING YOUR CARTE VITALE

You have two options for requesting your carte Vitale once you have a permanent number.

1. When they send you the permanent number, they will include a paper form for you to fill out, attach a photo to and send back to request your carte Vitale.
2. Open an Ameli account, then wait for your temporary access code to come in the mail (yes, they have to mail it to you). Once you have access to your account you can upload a picture for the card and request it directly in the portal.

It took me about a month to get my carte in the mail.

NOTE: Before you get your physical card you can still get reimbursed but you have to mail in a form (une feuille de soins), while with the carte Vitale it is automatic.

FINAL STEPS

You can also order a carte européenne d’assurance maladie (European health insurance card) through your Ameli account as well. This is useful for if you travel in the EU and ever get sick.

To be reimbursed the full amount possible, you’ll need to declare a médecin traitant (a.k.a. a general practitioner or primary care doctor). For helping finding one check out this article.

And finally, if you have additional health insurance (a mutuelle) through work or private coverage, you need to link that in your Amelie account as well.

Did this article help you obtain your securité sociale? Please say thank you by buying me a coffee to help keep the blog going!