Comments on: I Still Speak English at Home with My French Husband. Here’s Why.

By: Lucy

Lucy — Fri, 12 Feb 2021 04:35:32 +0000

I’m married to a Spanish man in Spain and I’ve lived here 6 years and 2 years in Central America. I learnt from scratch as soon as as I started travelling and I have a pretty good base. When I moved to Spain, to ease the transition, I started a language exchange and had a Spanish boyfriend who had very basic English so I learnt alot as we only spoke Spanish and I was flourishing in my community. I later met my husband at the exchange but quickly we switched to English and my motivation in general declined. I’ve lost alot of confidence and although I still try to keep up with private classes, I found myself on an island in a sea of Spanish. I’ve not really come to terms with the fact we chose English because I feel it hindered me outside of our home. I’m ashamed that after almost 8 years my level hovers between A2 and B1 and when drunk might go upto B2 lol. However, it’s not good enough in my opinion. Any advice or moral support would be so welcome. I’m pretty low about it. X

By: Matthieu Caillet

Matthieu Caillet — Thu, 25 Apr 2019 22:29:04 +0000

I am a French who is marry with an Indonesian woman.
All our story is in English, and I feel same like you: no reason for us to use French at home: I feel it is a stranger language for our couple now…
English is not the native language of any of us, her language is bahasa, but for our couple, it is…

If she want discuss in French, OK for me, but if she don’t want, OK for me too!

For information, I discovered your blog by not even French.

By: 7 Assumptions people have made about me and others who live abroad

7 Assumptions people have made about me and others who live abroad — Fri, 05 Apr 2019 08:26:01 +0000

[…] As I explained in this post about how long it takes to learn French, language learning is a never-ending process. You don’t arrive with basic language skills and then all of a sudden wake up a year later and speak flawlessly without an accent. You have to work at it and I can’t stress that enough. I’ll always be learning French and will always have an accent. It’s cool. I’m OK with it. Mistakes are normal. Feeling like a fish out of water every now and again is normal. I speak French just fine but I don’t know every tense, conjugation, expression, and word under the sun. Far from it! My motivation to learn comes and goes. And it probably doesn’t help that Tom and I speak English at home. Old habits are hard to break and Charli’s post explains the English at home thing really well here. […]

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sat, 23 Mar 2019 19:47:59 +0000

I am an Austrian married to an American. So, we speak German and English at home – theoretical. I met my husband here in Vienna and my English was better than his German. I got pregnant quite early in our relationship and we moved together soon. We tried to talk in German to each other, but in daily life it gets quickly boring to explain the grocery list four to five times and then end up with the wrong things. So, I kept talking in English. My husband has an English-speaking work field, so his need to learn German was not too big. And we found that Austrians switched to English as soon as they found out he was from America. They wanted to improve their English! Then our kids were little I spoke German, my husband English with them. And if we were together, I sometimes translated what I said to the kids. As they grew older, I started to talk English more. The level of vocabulary the kids used grew and, in the evenings, it was harder for me to switch between German and English. My husband understands German quite well, just talking is hard for him. Sometimes I get scolded by family that I did not teach him better German. But I ignore it. It mostly comes from members who never learned a second language themselves. As a family or as a couple it must work for you.

By: Charli

Charli — Mon, 18 Mar 2019 12:36:36 +0000

In reply to Laura. Thanks for sharing this Laura! Some good advice/lessons in here. It's all about communication so whatever works for each couple is the "right way" as long as both are happy :)

By: Laura

Laura — Sun, 17 Mar 2019 22:10:11 +0000

Hi! My experience is the opposite. The language is not French but it applies.
Backstory: Cute boyfriend on long distance relationship moves in with me. We when we met we spoke English to each other, and English is not the native language of any of us.
So at first, we continue to speak in English at home. He goes and signs up for language courses.
Step 1 Greetings and basic expressions move to local language. The rest in English.
Step 2 Naturally an easy topic for him becomes his regular practice. I don’t remember what it was, but maybe it was food shopping and cooking.
Step 3. He increases his vocabulary and we add more topics ( not planned, he keeps trying to say things, and if’ it is too much he switches back to English.. Important communication and discussions still in English
Step 4. 80% of our communication is done on local language. When we are mad at each other, English.
Step 5. 99% Local Language.
That was in 4-5 years time.
Some rules: no correcting grammar or mistakes unless it’s terrible. Or after a while of repeating the same thing, but very casual. If it’s a cute mistake not even caring.
I didn’t teach him anything, we just communicated.
It’s so okay to have mixed language conversations and switch to the easiest one at any time. Like he greets in local language, asks something in local language and then next sentence is too difficult, so then in English. I reply in local language. If he makes a face, I repeat in English. Very casual.
No expectations, no nothing, as long we are communicating is fine.
It seems chaos it was not. It was fun. His progress was very fast, noticeable outside of home. No need to rush at home.
We didn’t plan this, it was natural.

Kids: in our case, just one. When she was born, local language was the home language, but each of us talked to her on their native language. Before 2 years old, she “spoke” the 2 languages. After that she chose the local language and we went along. Husband tried to keep his native language but it was frustrating for him to ask in one language and get a response on the second one. Cartoons ( if any) were in English.
When she was 4, daddy’s language was back, and they have been having wonderful conversations since then. Her language skills dramatically improve when meeting grandma or other people that won’t understand her if she doesn’t try harder.
Now we moved to a third country, and we are all learning a new language together, and my daughter also started an English school. It took her 3 months to have better English than me. Now she corrects our mistakes and pronunciation.

I think my advantage here is that both my parents spoke different languages, also to each other ( they both understood both) and I’ve spent all my childhood switching languages, one for mom, another for dad. As a teenager I switched to talk using my mother’s language to my dad and he didn’t switch. I think we still do sometimes, I am just not aware anymore.

By: Muriel Areno

Muriel Areno — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 17:05:26 +0000

I am French, my husband Filipino. We lived in the UK when out children were born. We always spoke English at home out of necessity. The children did not pick up French until much later, and after extended visits with my mother. If you want your children to be bilingual, you must continue speaking English at home. Kids soon learn what they need to get by, and if it’s the same language at home and out in the world, that is what they’ll speak.

By: Diane

Diane — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 09:13:15 +0000

Great read, sharing on FB! So much to relate to 😉

By: Charli

Charli — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 18:25:19 +0000

In reply to Amore. It takes longer than I expected but when I think back to a year ago I do realize how far I’ve come. I find it easier to understand than speak as well so I relate to your responding in English.

By: Amore

Amore — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 17:44:17 +0000

Hi Charli,
Well, as my husband trying to speak french with me my response most of the time is English. And sometimes i cannot understand him since speaking French is differ from written. . . Ha ha ha! We still speak English at home because it’s easier for us to understand each other in different aspects. I am still struggling my French speaking ability until now. But , I know i am on track in learning this beautiful language.

Have a nice day !

Amour